Back from Holiday

We have been on holiday for two weeks in France. Luckily we have already got a good relationship with a lovely couple who dog sit professionally, and have sat for us for some years now. They know and more importantly love Shadow, and we contacted them as soon as Shadow was diagnosed knowing that they would want to know. They visited him immediately, and sat for us whilst we I went to Dublin.

This trip was different as it covered a chemotherapy treatment. We checked out with our couple, and they were happy with the procedure. We kept in touch with our couple during our trip by text, and everything seemed to go well.

I had a shock when I came home though. We were very excited approaching the house, imagining the welcome that we would give and receive, and Shadow seemed subdued. His coat was noticeably coarser as well, and I thought his face looked a little swollen. My other half saw nothing different in Shadow than when we left, and with hindsight I can say that I have probably just seem him clearer after the two week separation.

Shadow has one more chemo to go, then he is done. At the moment if asked if all this treatment is worth it, I would not have a definite answer. Shadow is not himself; he is quieter, tireder, hungrier. The most he comes alive is when there is food about, and one of the things about him that we loved was his stateliness, his aloof sphinx pose, his distain for the common manners of the puppy who shamelessly begged for titbits. Now he stands gazing at the food his big eyes alight, and sometimes a little whine coming out.

Of course he is still here, he can still enjoy a petting, and a cuddle, and he can still keep us noisy company (he snores). Though I am glad of that, I am still grieving the amazing dog we have lost. Perhaps when the demands of the chemo are relieved he will gain strength and health and we will see some of the old Shadow back, but perhaps the cancer will leap back into activity and we will not.

Some sad news today. My sister-in-law phoned distressed to tell me that their Cavalier King Charles spaniel Suki died last night. She has had a heart murmur for a while, and yesterday she began gasping for breath – her heart was not pumping the blood around her body fast enough for enough oxygen to be circulated. She was just 8. My kids howled when I told them – earlier this year my sister lost her West Highland White terrier who developed a disease and died suddenly. All of us had recently obtained a second puppy – my daughter wailed that everyone who gets a puppy loses the older dog. I know they were thinking of how they would feel when Shadow goes.

Yesterday I phoned the breeder that we got the puppy from, and found out when she is next breeding. She will breed next month. Part of me is unhappy at making arrangements so soon for Shadows replacement, though actually we always intended to have three dogs. And part of me is aware that our existing puppy hates being alone, and so we need to make plans for the future. However I rationalised it, that phone call seemed like a betrayal.